Deadline: A Conversation

He looked at me and sighed, 'What are we going to do?'
I stared at him blankly, 'I don't know.'
Our old kitchen never looked so dreary. He looked sad, scared, but there was a hint of happiness in his face. He hadn't been here in months. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode.
'Well, we know our options.'
'Can you handle that?'
'Can you,' he asked.
I thought about it. On the one hand there is shame. Embarrassment. But a possibility of growth and love. On the other it'll be done, no more options, regret probably, and guilt. The guilt will be a ticking time bomb in my head. It might not be for years, but surely it will explode. The regret could (should) be instantaneous.
'I don't know babe.'
He looked at me and smiled knowing, out of fear, I called him a pet name that hasn't been said in this house for what felt like eons.
I stated, 'I want a cigarette.'
'Don't.'
'Why? It won't matter anyway.' His face changed immediately. Hurt? But more anger than anything.
'So that's it then? Your decision has been made? I thought you called me over here to talk about it.'
'I don't know! All I know is that we don't have much time to sit on this. The longer I wait the harder it's going to be for me, let alone you.'
He sighed, 'I know, I know...I just...I don't know if I can handle this right now.'
My face flushed, 'Yeah just like you can't handle our relationship right? You apparently can't handle much. So just leave again. Go. I'll figure this out on my own.'
I walked up to the back door, opened it, and waited.
He just stared at me, 'I didn't mean it like that. It's just a lot of information to take in at once.'
'How do you think I feel,' I began to get louder, 'I'm the one that's going to have to do it on my own. You get to be free, and I will be stuck. I called you because we need to figure this out now. I am not waiting till I am 3 months and it's a two day process. I won't.'
He got up from his chair and came over to me, 'Get a night of sleep. One day won't matter. Just sleep on it. We'll discuss it in the morning.' He kissed me on my cheek, 'I guess you were right, drunk sex is definitely a bad idea.' And just walked out.
I slammed the door shut.
Pregnant.
What the hell am I going to do?
I went into our old bedroom and laid down. I put my hand on my stomach and thought of the possibility.
Not now, I couldn't think. I needed to just sleep. A decision would be made..eventually.