courage

I've had a bit of writer's block lately ... so we shall see how this one pans out.
Prompt from http://www.sundayscribblings.blogspot.com

He sat at our kitchen table.. stared blankly at me. I was waiting for a scream, a cry, words of hatred flowing out of his mouth. But all that came out was,
"What?"

I sighed and frowned. My emotion was going to get the best of me, but I had to stick to it. I couldn't just say, Haha Just kidding! I was waiting for more reaction from him, but he just looked at me and waited patiently.

To say the words once took some courage. But twice? I didn't want to have to repeat myself, he had heard me there was no doubt about that. How can I say it again? It just proved more and more that the marriage we had for the past 5 years was a lie. And I made it that way.
"Please don't make me repeat myself. This is hard enough for me to tell you."

He laughed. Like a maniac. Once of those horrific laughters where pain and anger and sadness are within. He looked at me and said, "Bitch. That's what you are. How could you? How could you have lied for the past 3 years? You're telling me our son isn't mine?"

I began to cry. Not for sympathy. I knew that what he was calling me was his own right and with merit. But it still hurt. Not because of him, but because I knew this moment would come. I would have to explain again and again that I just wasn't sure.

"I don't know if he's yours. That's what I'm telling you. I'm so sorry. But the only way we'll know is if there's a DNA test. The timing isn't adding up in my head and I just need to know. And so do you."

"Well no shit I need to know. But how is it that just now.. after his 5th birthday that the 'timing isn't adding up in your head'. Why didn't you think of that when he was born? Or when you got pregnant?"

I began to raise my voice without realizing it, "Don't you think I did? This may come as a surprise to you but I have not stopped thinking about it since the day I got a pregnant. It's a lot harder than you think to come up and tell someone that they slept around on them and oh by the way your son might not be your son afterall. Don't make me the evil one here, I know what I did was wrong and I put our son into the mix but don't act like you're all high and mighty. You're the one who has been sleeping around since the day I met you."

He laughed again. This laughter was pushing me more and more over the edge. This was exactly the reason why I needed to leave him years ago. This was exactly why I needed to be with someone else. To feel love that I never got from him. The marriage was a hoax anyway. In my family being pregnant meant getting married. And this did not, never will, sit well with me. But I did to not get disowned. And this was my life ... no love, just anger/hate.

I looked at him and said, "This is it. I don't care if he is yours or not. I am taking him and we are gone. This is the last straw. I did it. I told you. Now you know..and now I am going to go upstairs pack my stuff and get the hell away from you."

He got up after I said the words and came closer to me. He slapped me in the face and laughed again. "I don't think you're going anywhere. Just go upstairs and lay down and get some rest. We need to both calm down before any rash decisions are made."

I looked at him with anger, but did as I was told.. In my mind, I kept thinking, How am I going to pack without him being aware of it?